gossip is a funny word

Relient K has this great song called "Who I Am Hate Who I've Been," and I really don't need to tell you more that, because I think it's pretty clear what it's about. But that feeling of remorse is a good thing, I think, because it means you're changing.

However, lately, I've been feeling degenerative. I've spent the last couple school years with roughly the same thirty-five people, and while, I understand and cherish the benefits of a bunch of people growing together, I feel like lately, I've been feeling the disadvantages, hardcore. I've totally fallen into the trap of gossiping and judging my peers. And I don't really know if this is true, but I feel like it's especially hard to avoid in a performance program, where we are constantly watching each other and critiquing so our own performances can get better. But I think we forget to stop when the person stops performing and let that person just exist.

Once, at church, we were talking about gossip, and something very wise was said about often Christians will gossip under the mask of Christian concern. At school, our gossiping is all in the name of human study/performing arts. It all seems very right, very proper, to dissect the behaviour of our friends, so we can understand how to view their performances with better context. But even if the people never find out how much I discussed them, I know that I'm not really seeing people for who they are, but for who I've concluded they must be.

But then again, sometimes, I just feel like I need to vent. But is this venting letting go of these thoughts inside me, or necessitating a need for them? Maybe if I didn't "vent" all the time, I would just stop getting so frustrated or judgmental. Is this the case? Someone talk to me.

*I'm on my new computer. I thought I should christen it with a blog entry. This is the start of my new life: I spent 6 years on my old PC desktop, and now I enter the professional theatre world with this pretentious piece of plastic under my arm.