dream of the day: to be inspiring

I'm in a funny mood, though a familiar one. I'm craving contact. Though I desperately need rest, and though there are many useful things I could be doing right now, all I want to do is feel like I'm communicating. But I'm too tired/shy to see out a real conversation. So instead, I Facebook/blog/internet stalk.

I'm kind of a viking (and not in a cool way). I'm sweeping into your life and pillaging all that I need without giving anything back. I'm trying to make you be my friend, without being yours. I'm taking all that entertainment and honesty from blogs and Facebook, and then hiding myself away.

Anyway, that's why I'm blogging right now. To "give back" to the internet community I take advantage of so much, and to feel connected to this unidentified group of readers. I realize that maybe, I'm just adding to the noise, but maybe, I'm starting a conversation with a friend.

One of the reasons I suddenly got convicted for being reclusive (and not in the cool I'm-taking-time-for-myself way, but in the I-don't-feel-like-other-people-are-worth-my-effort-right-now way), is because I came across this shamefully inspiring website. You may have heard of http://songstowearpantsto.com, right? Well, this guy (his name is Andrew and he's very nice) has this other website called http://andrewismusic.com, and on his FAQ and bio there, my feelings of awe and jealousy seemed to be transferred into feelings of potential aptitude.

So, right now, I feel like I should be creating, but all I can do is blog. My guitar is so far across the room, and writing songs is hard. It's so much easier to take from this world.

a new song

Okay, no vlog today, and perhaps, not this week. Instead, I'm sharing a new song.

Things to note:
1. Don't try and play guitar and record yourself when the camera is on the bed. It will shake.
2. I lose my words a couple times, but right now I don't really care. Maybe I'll redo it later. Maybe not. Whatever.

dream of the day: community

I had this week off. It was awesome. I've been talking to a lot of different friends and family, and the theme of conversation this week seems to be (sorry, I wish I was more original) boys. I'm sure that many of you have already examined and discussed the ins and outs of romantic relationships, so I won't go there. What I will say is this: The more I interact with my friends and bemoan my current singleness, the less it bothers me. For me, I think that what I crave about having a boyfriend is having an intimate community - one where it is acceptable and expected to share your life.

I mean, of course, it's more than that. Of course, there's something special and wonderful about romance. But many of us don't speak to our neighbours, so our friends are physically so far from us. Many of us only have a few people, if any, that they can share their lives with. And even then we tend to hole up with those people, mistaking exclusivity for closeness.

Another interesting and unrelated thought I had about community: Do you notice that much of fair trade and organic stuff is marketed to an urban market? People talk about feeling so alone in a big city, but in Toronto, I felt there was some sort of community: a big group of people sharing the same restaurants and parks. And with that kind of superficial understanding of community, maybe urbanites are more capable of understanding global community.

Or maybe I'm wrong. I'm a small person with a small world.

dream of the day: to have a christmas special

I'd love to have a cheesy variety show with guest stars and Christmas banter and songs.

dream of the day: to be emma thompson

I don't want to be someone who reviews movies because:
1. I don't watch a lot of new movies.
2. People always disagree with me, so I don't want to be responsible for making you see a movie you don't like. I mean, I really liked Punch Drunk Love and I hated Love, Actually.

BUT, you have to go see Stranger Than Fiction. Gloria and I went with expections of a Will Farrell movie, and we were both pleasantly disappointed. It's wonderful, it's thought-provoking. And Emma Thompson's performance may give you dreams of being her. Her character's angry, weird, and honest, with all these wonderful quirks.

The story is really original and interesting. I think the writer Zach Helm is someone to look out for. Plus, they have some really simple graphic designs through out, which enhanced the mentality of it all.

Okay, so just watch it, and fall in love with it, and thank me. I'm going to go add this one to my Facebook profile. (Now, you know I'm not joking.)

dream of the day: to fly

I know. This is totally cliche, but this is inspired by an actual dream (i.e. the kind you get when you're sleeping). It's a recurring idea in my dreams, where the only thing that stops you from flying is your doubts. Otherwise, you let your second heart flutter up into your neck and carry you up. I'm not sure what your second heart is, but that's what my dream told me.

I'm going to fly someday.

dream of the day: comedian

Only in hopes that I may get to meet these guys and have them be my best friends so they can fall in love with me, and after deciding which one is cuter is real life, I would get to pick which one will marry me and make me happy for the rest of my life.

If you don't have time, just watch the Just2Guys rap.

"your blog's depressing"

Today, I shall attempt to write a non-depressing entry, but I don't know whether I'll be able to pull it off. I am generally a pretty uppity person, and I've had a good week, but I'm getting into a brooding pensive mood.

My dear friend Sarah told me yesterday that my blog's depressing, and I totally agree with her. I feel sometimes like I'm trying so hard to look so deep and introspective that I'm missing out on revealing on redemptive truths. Or maybe I'm just trying too hard (and failing too much :D*).

In my life, there have been three major events this week:
1. V and K-lub came in.
2. American Thanksgiving.
3. Harry Potter with Soozi and Sarah.
See what I mean by a good week? Action-packed with wonderful people. I've picked out a theme: Seeing people I haven't seen for a long time.

I've often likened my life to a streetcar (because I like streetcars). People get on and off and you get to ride with people for so long.** I've been so blessed to have had so many people on the "e-car", but I just feel like it sucks hard that so many people have to get off. And then it sucks even more because even though it is relatively easy to still talk to them, I don't.

My seester, Gloria, said something to me once that one of the problems of today's society is that we have so many means of communicating with each other (i.e. cell phone, text messaging, email, etc.) that we really believe we're closer to each other, and that we understand each other more. But it's a lie. We're making ourselves feel "connected" when we're probably just as lonely as any other generation, if not more. We don't really see people, we see Contacts and MSN Buddys, Ignore and Block buttons.

That's why this week was good. Seeing people rather than physics problem sets is awesome. I missed these people so much. Things can't ever be the same, but that's supposed to be a good thing. I'll always miss sitting in the common room in first year talking, chilling in my PJs with my rez family. I'll always miss sitting in the HOW at high school talking about nothing and dressing up in weird costumes. Will I miss this time, right now? I guess we'll see in time. "No day but today," as the cast of Rent would say.

The dream of the day is to be a professional figure skater. I just have to learn how to skate and age backwards.







*:D indicates that the preceding comment should be taken light-heartedly.
** Note: I've also often said that life can be really likened to anything, you just have to be creative. Try the following exercise:
1. Fill in the blank.
Life is like _____________________.
2. Then you explain why life is like it, and it usually, but certainly not always, has to do with life's variability. So you often you can fill in the following blanks.
Sometimes it's _____________ and sometimes it's ________________.
I'll call it MadLib philosophy.
Actually it's interesting. When I was in grade nine, I was convinced that most of life was set up to be a great metaphor for bigger things (i.e. "life"). It was nice to believe that meaningless things weren't meaningless. I should revert back. This footnote is long.