I no longer want to be young and silly, but rather: old, sensible, and wise. Perhaps a total lack of sense would give me the desired result, but as it stands, it is impossible for me to be foolish without realizing it, regretting it, and being totally confused.
So I guess I am very young and very silly.
As it stands, my understanding of everything just must be kind of shallow. I think I want to be silly, but what I really want and need is the very wise, in-depth understanding of when it's okay to let go, so I can actually do it.
Quote of the day: "I'm just worried I won't get to relax this week." God help me.
Monday, February 26, 2007
Friday, February 23, 2007
"i want to be young and silly"
Ever see that episode of Dead Like Me, in the not-as-good-as-the-first-season second season, where George gets all mad at Inigo Montoya for her being dead at the beginning of the episode? Anyway, she says to Inigo "I want to be young and silly," and then sometime after, Inigo says "You are."
Okay, so I realize that obscure quotes aren't usually very effective unless someone, anyone at all, knows what you're talking about. But my life and thoughts, although original in their way, seem to be a collection of experiences and pop culture.* So excuse me for these ambiguous quotes from short-lived tv shows.
Coming back to the point, I want to be young and silly. I want to be able to let go of all this "sense" I have. Often, I find my reason and my emotions at battle with each other, and it's a little annoying when you're crying, and while you know why you're crying, it doesn't seem very reasonable to do so (knowing things like "You wanted a challenge" and "There are bigger problems in the world" and the ever powerful "It's no big deal").
I want to be able to be totally ridiculous and be in a scene where I'm sexy and forget about the fact that I'm so embarrased and actually just have pure, unadulterated fun.
Damn it. Why do I have to be so mature and reasonable?
*I tried writing a song the other day. The hardest thing is to try and make something new, but I quickly found myself sampling from songs I knew, which was totally interesting. It's like it was a ransom letter - using cut-outs from different contexts and make them say what you mean.
Okay, so I realize that obscure quotes aren't usually very effective unless someone, anyone at all, knows what you're talking about. But my life and thoughts, although original in their way, seem to be a collection of experiences and pop culture.* So excuse me for these ambiguous quotes from short-lived tv shows.
Coming back to the point, I want to be young and silly. I want to be able to let go of all this "sense" I have. Often, I find my reason and my emotions at battle with each other, and it's a little annoying when you're crying, and while you know why you're crying, it doesn't seem very reasonable to do so (knowing things like "You wanted a challenge" and "There are bigger problems in the world" and the ever powerful "It's no big deal").
I want to be able to be totally ridiculous and be in a scene where I'm sexy and forget about the fact that I'm so embarrased and actually just have pure, unadulterated fun.
Damn it. Why do I have to be so mature and reasonable?
*I tried writing a song the other day. The hardest thing is to try and make something new, but I quickly found myself sampling from songs I knew, which was totally interesting. It's like it was a ransom letter - using cut-outs from different contexts and make them say what you mean.
Sunday, February 18, 2007
writer's blocked
It's Sunday. Breathe.
You know, I never really meant to make this blog a place where I obligingly update the internet about my life. I always meant it as an outlet for the thoughts bubbling over the top. I kind of feel like I am running out of things to say.
Scary.
My life is simple nowadays - school, then school, then more school. For the end of the year, we have to choreograph and perform a dance piece to any song that we want as long as it is 2-4 minutes long. To be honest, I don't think I've ever danced a piece longer than 2 minutes, let along choreograph. I'm totally intimidated, but more than anything, I'm afraid that maybe I don't have enough to say in order to do something meaningful. I want the piece to be a story that's real to me, but, hello, dancing isn't exactly my strength.
I want to make art. I want to write songs that speak truth. I want to write plays that inspire. I want to choreograph meaningful stories. But maybe the question is why.
How does God choose his prophets?
You know, I never really meant to make this blog a place where I obligingly update the internet about my life. I always meant it as an outlet for the thoughts bubbling over the top. I kind of feel like I am running out of things to say.
Scary.
My life is simple nowadays - school, then school, then more school. For the end of the year, we have to choreograph and perform a dance piece to any song that we want as long as it is 2-4 minutes long. To be honest, I don't think I've ever danced a piece longer than 2 minutes, let along choreograph. I'm totally intimidated, but more than anything, I'm afraid that maybe I don't have enough to say in order to do something meaningful. I want the piece to be a story that's real to me, but, hello, dancing isn't exactly my strength.
I want to make art. I want to write songs that speak truth. I want to write plays that inspire. I want to choreograph meaningful stories. But maybe the question is why.
How does God choose his prophets?
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