i've lost 10i pounds, where i^2=(-1)

For those of you unfamiliar with complex math*, the title of this blog basically indicates that I have lost 10 imaginary pounds. I feel great! I should be featured in a weight-loss program's commercial! And the "before" shot will be some horrible candid snapshot of me holding a tub of ice cream and wearing fat clothes† and no make-up, and the "after" shot will be me in professional lighting and full make-up and hair, smiling because I have lost weight and am, therefore, happy.

There is, of course, a story behind this. I usually weigh myself when I go to the gym, which I haven't really done for about a month. Also, at home, we have a scale which we keep in the bathroom. Now, for whatever reason, the scale was moved downstairs, so consequently, I never weighed myself. Now, the other day, I was downstairs anyway, so I decided to step on and see how I was doing. The basement right now is in disarray due to my parents' new business endeavor, but I managed to step on and get a reading.

I should preface this with the fact that for the last six years or so, I have weighed x pounds‡, which is fine, but I always thought (while waiting in line at the nearest Taco Bell) that it would be nice to be lighter.

Well, when I stepped on the scale, I was, lo and behold, not x pounds, but (x-10) pounds! I had lost 10 pounds!

"How could you believe this?" you ask. "Didn't you just admit that you haven't been to the gym in a really long time."

"Well," I answer, defensively, "In these last months, I have been less stressed and eating less! Plus, in that day, I hadn't eaten very much because I was sick."

So I was checking myself out in the mirror (You all do it, admit it.) and I could have sworn I looked skinnier! I could have sworn my belly was sticking out less and my butt was smaller.

Anyway, you guys know how this long-winded story ends. I eventually stepped on a better scale (At the gym, incidentally. I had decided to top off the 10 pound loss with another few pounds.) and found that I was once again x pounds. The scale I stepped on in the basement was on a cushion and it didn't occur to me that a machine that uses the pressure applied to it to measure weight would be affected by a cushion underneath it.

Anyway, I guess the point of this all is just how much better I could feel thinking that I've lost weight, how proud I could be of myself, even when I didn't do anything. Funny, eh? I wonder what would happen if I actually lost weight. I'm not going to say anything, but there might be balloons... and cake.








*I remember learning about imaginary numbers in high school and thinking, "Pshaw! Like this will have any practical application!" This is a testament to both my lack of foresight and nerdiness.

†What are fat clothes?! If you don't know what these are, you are probably very skinny and/or a boy. Fat clothes are the clothes that do nothing for your figure and no one is ever supposed to see you in.

‡Where x is some positive real number that will be misleading out of context. Ask me if you want, but I'd rather you guess, which people are usually afraid to do.