only on my two thousandth coffee

This blog is in response to this one, by one of my favourite bloggers, LtK. She just moved to a new city, in a new country, away from a church she loved and felt loved at (incidentally, the church I went to as well), and started to look for a new church.

I found this blog particularly interesting because I've been experiencing something similar. I haven't moved to another country - in fact, I haven't even left the province. I'm just an hour's drive away from Toronto, but having finished my degree and going to another school and moving, I just felt like it was time to find another church. I wanted to be at a church near where I live so I could actively be involved in the community.

That was two years ago. Since then, I've been to at least seven different churches. Many different kinds of services, but mainly I've been looking for words like "youth" and "contemporary worship." I joke that I've become a church hopper, but I feel less like an adventurous nomad but more like an intrusive couch-crasher. LtK talks of standing around awkwardly, waiting for someone to talk to you, which I certainly relate to*. But more than that, I feel like I'm always standing on the outside, first of all, watching how the people treat each other, and secondly, I find myself critically observing the worship and service, not willing to buy into anything completely. After going to the same church for four years, it's hard for me to accept anything that's not exactly the same.

But I forget that God is in all these places, and He can't fit into the single church model I've made in my mind. It's really me that's far too limited to be able to fit into these other churches. On one hand, it's wonderful to see different people pursue God, but on the other, I feel really alone because I can't seem to find someone to relate to.

I'm going to Korea on the 21st of May, so the Church Search will be temporarily put to rest. I'm looking forward to seeing how Koreans do church.



*I think I've been too afraid of awkwardness. Awkwardness has become the gauge of acceptable social behaviour. Just don't get awkward and anything else you do is fine.