lonely is an illusion

Good Christians often start introspections with "I was reading in my Bible..." and then go on to make some enlightened connection from a seemingly out-dated book to their lives. Well, this is no claim to being a "good Christian," but I gotta say, there's something about these Genesis stories that connect. There's something lonely about these stories of people going on big journeys.

The connect? Well, I don't know. I'm about to graduate and I'm scared. I don't have a job, an agent, or any real plan. I have dreams but they are all smoke right now. I would love to keep on writing music, but it's hard to bank on inspiration. I would love to get a job performing, but I have to get someone to hire me first. I wonder how I'm going to pay for rent, food and OSAP. I wonder if I should move out of my parents' into Toronto, like I always assumed. 

I guess that's the loneliness. With all these questions, it's easy to think that I'm in this by myself - any luck or disaster that befalls me will be solely mine. And it IS a lot like that when I'm trying to "market myself" to casting directors, artistic directors, and agents. I guess that's also why performing is fun. All the glory's yours too. But maybe that explains why performers are often egotistical and moody.

I suppose being lonely is an illusion. Even your character is a product of so many relationships. I know being at this moment would not be possible if not for so many friends and family members who have supported me and challenged me. And then there's the promise that God keeps on speaking to all these journeyers - "I will be with you."

Maybe lonely is an illusion, but I still try to touch the pictures at the 3D movies.