This end of school is supposed to mean something: like, now I should be ready to face the industry as a young professional. Now, it's up to me to believe in myself, and not depend on the spoon-feeding of my teachers. I remain unconvinced. I almost feel less prepared than when I first came, because now, I'm more aware of my insufficiencies. When I first came, I thought everyone was amazing, and though I knew I wasn't a crazy singer or an experienced actor, I believed myself to be good enough. Now I often find myself watching people with jealous critique, and giving myself equally harsh criticism.
You know what? I think I'm more disappointed with this seeming decay in character. That piled onto this "What to do with my future?" crizap. Oh, but maybe it's all the same thing - a big horrible ball of questions that come at the same time (i.e. Have I grown? What am I doing with my life? Why am I single? Can I do what I want to do? Am I in for disappointment? How do I ever pay my student loans? How will I make money? Will I ever make enough? Will I ever move out of my parents house? Am I wasting my talents?).
Writing out that ball made me feel better. It almost looks ridiculous this way.
4 comments:
did you say you were going to Prom!?
Yeah, my class is organizing our own formal.
Yes prom caught my eye too.
Even if you feel like you're "worse off" than where you were, you are definitely in a different place - and you are done school - everything is worth celebrating (does that sound cheesy? probably). Go out for dinner.
I second that. I really like the word "crizap".
Post a Comment