"how are you?"

Is "How are you?" really an appropriate question to follow "Hello"?

Seriously. Consider the following exchange of greetings:

"Hello. How are you?"
"I'm fine. How are you?"
"I'm fine, as well. Thank you for asking."

Harmless, right? But it's not real. It's true, that often we might be fine but how often are we truly concerned about the state of the other person. And if we are truly concerned, can we just assume that they want to share?

I mean, I'm not saying that all our contact with people is superficial. I feel very free to tell many people how horrible I feel. But it is impossible to engage in real introspective conversation every time you run into someone. In fact, I find when I really care how someone is, I'm a little more cautious to ask the question - I make sure I have the time and listening energy before I proceed.

For the most part, I think the "How are you?" routine is just a way to lengthen the greeting - a way to make us feel like we're making contact and do you know what? It is much more pleasant than singular hellos from either end. And to be honest, I don't usually answer the question truly. I usually say I'm fine even if I might not feel fine. Sometimes I say I'm fine before even thinking about it, because the question has lost meaning.

In fact, I think we can argue that the "How are you?" routine is like the secret handshake of civilized society. We expect people to know how the script goes, and when they follow through, we list them in our Nice People Club.