the end of 2006: year without fear

It is three days from the end of the year 2006 -- the year I so boldly declared would be the Year Without Fear. And let me say, that I think this little experiment worked.

My friend, Finer, wrote a lovely little note on Facebook comparing this December with December 2002. He, like me, is an Eng Sci deserter. After going through the 4 years of hell, we decided to not reap the rewards of our labour and decided to do something else. Me, I went to study musical theatre, and Finer, he went to study political science. And he's happy! He took a step into the great unknown, and is happy. And if you don't know Finer, this is something very strange. Four years of Eng Sci honed his complaining skills, which are now going into essays about political conflict and such.

To be honest, I forgot about this whole Year Without Fear thing for the last couple months, but it was going strong until August. Then school started and then I just kept doing new things, which adheres the Year Without Fear rules*, just unconsciously. But before that it would be like, "Should I do this? Why not!? It's the Year Without Fear!" I know I'm a nerd.

But see what it led to! I'm at Sheridan College! Meaning I auditioned for Sheridan College (among other places, with less fruitful results). Funny story, Mimi Mekler, after one very intense class, told me that in my audition, I was fearless, which is why they wanted me. Cool, eh? The overstretching implications of this Year Without Fear.

And in terms of people, Year Without Fear worked less, I think. School ended, I moved, so a lot of connections were severed. I miss people a lot. I miss my Eng Sci bunch, my church lunchers, my common room dwellers, my Living Room.** But on the other hand, I spent the summer just reaching out to friends, and I even was bold enough to date a boy.

Anyway, I think today I was able to end Year Without Fear with a very brave action. It didn't end well, but I'm sure it was brave, and I'm glad I did it.

Today is Old Year's Day for me. Happy Old Year, everyone!



*There weren't real rules. I mean, I didn't write then down or anything, but if I was to they'd be like this:
1. Don't act in fear.
2. Don't not act in fear.

**If any of you are reading this, drop me an email. I'd love to get together.

"i wonder how many blogs that will show up on," says danny

not the shiniest wrench in the toolbox

Only Christians talk about being tools and being used like it's a good thing. But it's not like we're excited about being used by just anyone.

What is it, though? Why, when God has these mighty hands, would he choose to use broken marionettes?

I wrote and performed this piece for a church service that I attended these last few months. It's the first time I've really seriously acted in front of people (Skule Nite isn't serious acting, folks), and to be honest, I think I did horribly. I know I could have acted so much better. I know I was nervous. I know that I probably played the jokes up a little too much. At the end, I was so upset at myself. I guess I kind of expected it to be miraculous, because it was in a church (and I know that's unreasonable), and I felt a little cheated.

But it doesn't matter. If it's good, that could make it better for me and better for the audience, but for God, it just is what it is. And while nothing is good enough, all things are redeemed.

I want to be a good actor, and I think that we should never be content with mediocrity. But I also think that maybe we shouldn't look at our insufficiencies as disappointing failures to God, but as daring challenges from God.

i'm up too early

Every year after exams I'd always have this problem. I'd be all "Yeah! I'm done! I'm going to sleep all day!" and inevitably, I'd wake up early the next day. Even though I do sleep in on weekends, it takes a little longer for my body to realize that holidays have begun.

I'm just about finished my first term at Sheridan College's Music Theatre Performance program.

"Are you being transformed?" Danny asked me in the car yesterday.
"...yeah, I think so. It's more like things are being unlocked inside me."

Seriously, guys. What I'm doing is ridiculous. Do you remember what I was talking about a year ago? Flip through some of the November entries. I was looking for a job, applying to teacher's college, and shyly alluding to my quiet ambitions. Watch out, guys. The next entries are going to be MAJOR reflections. It's that time of year.

news flash!

Guys! I think I'm growing up! I spent a whole day with dear Little Lisa, and something was different than before. Have you ever watched that Looney Toons cartoon where there's a big bulldog and there's a little scrappy dog that's hopping around asking questions? Of course, the cartoon proceeds to the confusion of a wildcat and a tiny kitty, and of course, the big dog always tries to get the wildcat and comedy ensues, because the little dog only sees the tiny kitty and thinks that the big dog is being a wuss.

Anyway, I always got a little bit of that feeling around Lisa before. Not that we weren't good friends, because we were; and not that I couldn't confide in her and have good conversation, because I could. I think I'm just getting a little more comfortable with myself. Cool, eh? Take that, awkwardness!

dream of the day: to have a christmas special

I'd love to have a cheesy variety show with guest stars and Christmas banter and songs.