happy anniversary!

Guess what, y'all! I have had this blog for over a year now! My first entry claimed that I was going to jump off the blog bridge, and I've been doing so (however, intermittently and despressingly) for a whole year!

I talk about blogging all the time on my blog, but here's another great opportunity. Once, I secretly told someone that I really liked my blog. I like the stuff I write, even if it's a hit heavy-handed and wallow-y. Another time, I even felt embarrassed by an entry, and I started apologizing profusely for its contents. But that person just said "chill out" and reminded me that the whole point of this thing is to make myself feel better.

You know, in acting class, we try to get in these moments, and to try and feel emotions. I wonder if that's being self-indulgent: to spark these feelings in front of an audience, hoping that they'll relate to you and like you. I think this blog's a lot like that. I mean, I want to vent, but I also want an audience.

I have Hardeep back! He looks as good as new, but smells like paint. It's really good to just sit in traffic and think. It's just Esther and Hardeep time. I've been in kind of a weird mood, and I think it has to do with Garden State. I watched it the other night. It's honest and lovely, and hits that point of wanting more than numbness. But it also made me really sad. Natalie Portman's character's tendency to laugh at what she can and cry at everything else really struck me. I don't want to be so bold as to say that I'm like her, because she's so cool, but I relate to her a lot, and that made the story so bittersweet.

Formation is process, people. One year later, I'm still at it. Who am I? God only knows.