ask a ninja's not depressing

but I like them, and you should too!
http://askaninja.com

rilo kiley's depressing

but I like them, and you should too!
http://rilokiley.com

I have a friend named Esther

Okay, this isn't one of these weird blogs, where I refer to myself in the third person, or make up some fictional ideal of myself. I actually have a friend named Esther.

Last night, I was on my way to meet a group of church people for prayer and then Esther called me and then we decided to pray on our own. It was fun. Esther makes everything fun. When we get together we call ourselves the Esther Club and occasionally accept other members.

Esther is very different from me. It seems that she has a gorgeousness that transcendent of herself. Not that she isn't pretty, but her gorgeousness seems to be bigger than that. She always dresses coolly (she even owns a fashion store), she has a high voice that she adds interesting inflections to and a delightful little laugh at the end of many of her sentences.

I just think she's cool and that it's funny because we have the same name.

friend crushes

Am I the only one who gets these? Every once in a while I'll meet someone who I wish was my best friend. This person will be someone I want to hang out with all the time so I can benefit from their presence. Very often this is a guy. In fact, in my case, it's always a guy that I'm not attracted to, and I'm not completely sure why.

Off the top of my head, I can think of five cases of these friend crushes that I've had. I think it might be a problem or some form of my warped reality. It seems like I am not attracted to the people I like the most .

But then again, I wonder if this is a defense mechanism on my part. I used to get these insane-oh crushes in high school and beyond high school I decided that they just had to stop because it was stupid - I'd get too excited and unreasonable and just totally crazy. So now, maybe when I really like someone, I decide that I'm not attracted to him because a friendship is way easier to pursue than something else and I have a better chance of seeing this person on a regular basis.

I'm not really sure that's true. Anyway, it kind of comes together like any of my real crushes, where I start to get to know them, then get scared that I came on too strong, then run away.

Am I unique in this? Am I really the only person who meets people who they really really want to be their best friend? Validate me, internet!

once upon a time...

Once upon a time, there was a girl born in a land called Stoney Creek. People came from lands near and far to greet her and to marvel at her already evident potential for awesome. Because of the significance of her birthday, instead of fairies coming to cast spells, Jedi knights came by instead.

"She shall be witty and charming and make people laugh wherever she goes," claimed one Jedi.

However, one Jedi was not so nice. Seeing the fantastic blessing bestowed on her, he decided that he must do his best to counteract it.

"Perhaps, these things shall come to pass," he said ominously, "but she will be so socially awkward and tactless that her wittiness will be met with confusion, her charm will be met with pity, and her humour will be met with nervous laughter. And so, despite her gifts, she will be continually self-conscious and insecure."

As the ladies and gentlemen present gasped, the Jedi quietly left the room. Thus began the adventures of Esther. As she grew, she become more and more aware of the raging spells inside her. The spell from the second Jedi has yet to be broken, but with every adventure, she gets a little more power to battle it.

i'm like a robot

...in that I need electricity to live. I didn't realize I was so urbanized! The power went out for an hour, and I was in pieces. I was desperately trying to heat my take-out curry over a few tealights and a fruit bowl (it was made of metallic wire). At first, I thought I was an urban girl scout, but after that didn't work in the first two minutes, I got impatient and decided that living without a microwave was inconceivable. How can I be expected to wait more than five minutes to reheat food?

I hope this is the closest I come to camping in a while.

i have toothpaste on my face

I've been told that it helps dry out zits. I wonder what other weird things people can make me do if they appeal to my vanity.

my new car is the same blue as hydrogen

The new stage of my life is slowly taking shape. Today, we picked up the new car - unofficially mine, officially my mom's. Over the next year, I will spend about 200 hours in that car. In that car, I will sit in traffic, I will road rage, I will sing, I will dine, I will laugh, I will probably cry, all the way to and from music theatre school. That still kinda sounds like a joke to me.

I'm going to music theatre school.

Weird.

Besides this car being a step of preparation, it also is a huge, wonderful sign that my parents are supporting me in this insane endeavor. I remember being so afraid of what my parents would think when these notions came into my head, and when I admitted them, they totally surprised me. I think I'm in danger of forgetting that. I hope I don't screw this up.

*Funny anecdote: When the lady at the dealership saw my brother, my sister, and I, she thought that he was my father, and my little sister was my mother. My brother is 35 and my sister is one year younger than me. Gross and weird.

the most tactless person on earth

I remember watching Whose Line Is It Anyway? one time and Colin Mochrie had to play the most tactless person on earth. It was really funny, but let me assure you in real life it is rarely very funny. Usually, it ends with a quiet space leaving the people around desperately trying to think of some other topic to talk about.

I have a knack of finding the least appropriate joke possible and saying it. Once, I was with a friend and made fun of his break-up. Little did I know the break-up was recent in history, and while that friend was trying to confide in me, I was trying to be funny.

And sometimes, I find the one thing that someone happens to be sensitive about, and I make fun of them for it. It's like a super power, if super powers are supposed make you into an awkward loser with no friends.

Maybe one day, I'll get to say a eulogy, and I'll make fun of the deceased and his or her loved ones. Then I won't ever have to worry about "hanging out with people" or "having friends".

my inner child can beat up yours

Right now, I'm in a room with 18 4-7 year olds, enjoying the most relaxing time of the week - computer time. It's the only time when I know they'll be quiet, they won't hit each other, ask to go home, or need to go to the washroom*.

People who work with children must be the most patient people in the world. My sister's a teacher, and I would never call her a patient woman. But maybe that's because she spends all day with kids who are always saying her name (and those are the good kids).

So definitely, this is a better job than Tim Hortons. But there are moments when I think I'm going to totally lose it. Perhaps, this is my chance to learn infinite patience and care. Or maybe I'll just lose it and these kids can always brag that they pushed their science camp instructor to the brink.

"Esther! Esther! I have something to tell you!" Even now, the chorus resounds. It's funny. I always whine about not being well-liked, and now, I'm respected and adored by these four feet people and it drives me CRAZY. Well, today it is. On Monday, I'll go back to basking in their love.

Yesterday, I taught the grade 7/8 class instead of the 1/2 I usually teach. Dave, the other instructor, and I started the switch by me coming into his class and critisizing his lesson, and we started to fight. Then the boss came in and told us that we had to switch. It was fun. Anyway, my main point is that 7/8s are almost the same! They whine just as much, and they are almost as needy! The only differences are height and cuteness.

Maybe, my lectures are the same, I just never realized it. Wouldn't that be funny? "Professor! Professor! I have something to tell you! Come over here and help me!" Actually, that sounds a lot like my lab. Oops. Maybe that whining things isn't as endearing as I thought.



* You may think that's weird, but at any other time, these kids insist on going to the bathroom every 30 minutes or less.