I think I have a phobia for dogs. I want to be like the people I know who like dogs - you know, they're always bright and energetic - and I really try. I approach stranger's dogs and pet my friend's dogs, but every once in a while, there's this moment when I freak out and think the dog is going to get angry and bite me and there won't be anything I can do because kicking a dog is wrong.
I think this is, generally, like my attitude towards boys. I will happily name off my many husbands, I can often be found claiming that I'm 'in love' with... well, anyone, but as soon as there's any hint of returned interest, I freak out. I think I may have an irrational fear of relationships. I mean, don't get me wrong - I don't want to be alone. Like the dog phobia, I do want dates and flings and romance, the whole cake, but I'm also afraid.
It's pretty weird. I often find myself going so far as to make sure that the guys I liked thought the opposite. It's understandable to want to ensure that guy friends you definitely don't like don't get the wrong message, but with the rest? I'm messed up.
As I've declared 2006 The Year Without Fear, I have decided to not be afraid of being the object of anyone's interest - kind of like the woman in this article, but to a smaller extent.
And do you know what? Maybe it was totally egotistical to think that I was in danger of being liked. So I really had nothing to be afraid of in the first place! Score! ... wait...
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