"uhm. Esther. this is something I actually have been meaning to ask you for some time..."
Pretty intense, right? Does she need a kidney? Does she want me to send her Canadian drugs? Is she going to ask me out?!?
Turns out, Bea, in her masterfully tactful way, was asking me if she could link my blog on hers. For some reason* she thought that I might be uncomfortable with it. To be honest, I'm not sure if I am or not. On one hand I want people to know me, to see what I'm thinking. On the other hand, I don't want to people to read it and judge me - think I'm too naive or trying too hard or being too religious.
I guess it's like what Julia was talking about: vulnerability. I posted on my church message board that "Blogging [was] like running around naked. It might be inappropriate, but, you know, some people just gotta." I have a feeling that was totally inappropriate, and I thought I heard crickets laugh in Christian cyberspace. I've mentioned this before: I want to be heard, but I don't want to say anything.
I want people to read this. I want people to know who I am. I'm just totally afraid of being so tacky with neediness. Many of you reading this are my friends to whom I've casually mentioned the existence of this blog. Some of you are my friends who I don't know read this, and found this by some other secret avenue. And maybe some of you are strangers. Well, welcome, whoever you are. I hope you see something honest here.
*That reason being the contents of many entries on my blog.
3 comments:
Hah! I read it and there's really nothing incriminating (except for that bit about your involvement in the British bank heist last month). Besides, JP already linked to this blog form somewhere else, so... too late! Anyway what's a bored PEYer to do to stave off mental shrivelling-- but read blogs! It's just a pity I don't have one so you can see how well yours fares in comparison.
Cheers!
Dan
Wow. I feel famous. My name was mentioned **4 TIMES** on "It's a Process"! huzzah. I feel cooler now. :P Well it was just weird not to have you on the list of cool people on my blog since, well, you're Esther and I'm Bea and...well yeah, you know (looking at shoes again). (runs away to find a bush to hide in)
Ok, I can't hold it in any longer! ... Esther, will you go out with me?
(hands Esther a rose and runs away)
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